he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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