I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
