I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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