If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
