Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
