Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How's work?
Spinning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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