Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
