we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were trust falling into bushes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize