My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize