Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize