From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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