Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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