me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize