Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
