Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didn't notice because vodka
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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