I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
