First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
