I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
