i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
