and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
