Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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