Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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