There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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