You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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