Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
