Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
