i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
