Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
