once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
