i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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