If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
