Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
