There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
