You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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