Life is so much better after having sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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