Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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