we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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