Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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