i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
