I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize