Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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