i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
