the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
