DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
