Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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