he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
