True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
