Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
