she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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