Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
