I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
