I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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