Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
