We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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