just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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