Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
