so that wasnt chicken after all
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
