i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
