Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize