this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
