i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
