all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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