im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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