Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize