Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
