I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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