oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
