Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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