You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
