I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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