some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
