Whats the glycemic index on semen?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
