this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
