thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
